Nothing But the Rain
by Saerry Snape
Summary: What caused Severus Snape to become such a bastard? Was it his hatred of the Marauders? His time with the Death Eaters? Or was it something else?
1. Pro - Waiting in the Dark

_I don't own Harry Potter, JKR does.  Get it through your head._

_+ What caused Severus Snape to become such a bastard?  Was it his hatred of the Marauders?  His time with the Death Eaters?  Or was it something else? +_

_This story coincides slightly with Not Myself.  There are a few things different than Sev's story there and here._

_And many thanks to my wonderful beta Laura.  Many bear hugs and chocolate frogs for yoooouuuuu._

_+ + +_

I'm standing on the bridge 

_I'm waiting in the dark_

_I thought that you'd be here by now_

_There's nothing but the rain_

_No footsteps on the ground_

_I'm listening but there's no sound_

_+ + +_

_Cold._

_It was so cold._

_Snow swirled around him as he ran, lights from the village below appearing and disappearing as the snow nipped his eyes._

_The tall, dark trees of the forest loomed up ahead, seeming to open before him like the jaws of a great beast ready to swallow him into darkness. He was not supposed to go inside._

_But she was in there._

_He had to get her._

_Had to._

_He plunged into the darkness, racing even faster; his heart was hammering furiously against his ribs, his breath coming in sharp gasps. Still he ran._

_Then there was the scream, a sharp, blood curdling scream that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and his stomach twist in sheer terror._

_He knew that voice._

_It was hers._

_Crying out her name, he ran even harder._

_He had to get to her._

_Had to._

_He cried her name again but the whistling wind drowned him out._

_Then he was there._

_He saw her._

_And then…_

/ * / * / * / * / * / * / * / * / * / * /

Severus Snape awoke with a gasp and sat up. The first thing that assaulted his senses was pain. The second was the dream. 

No. Not a dream. Never a dream 

"Severus." 

He turned and faced the man standing beside his bed. Severus saw he was in the Hospital Wing but his mind was still spinning. He shook his head hoping to clear it and spoke. 

"Albus." It came out as a hoarse croak, a mockery of his normal voice. What had happened to him? 

"Severus, do you remember what happened?" 

"No," croaked Severus. 

He added to himself, at least not what you want me to remember. 

He remembered that night. 

They said he lost his soul when he became a Death Eater, when he took Voldemort's Mark willingly.  When he was branded like an animal. 

But they were wrong. 

He had lost it that night. 

He had lost everything that night. 

His soul. 

His light. 

His will. 

His heart. 

It was all gone now like her.

_+ + +_

_It's a damn cold night_

_Trying to figure out this life_

_Won't you take me by the hand_

_Take me somewhere new_

_I don't know who you are but I_

_I'm with you_

_+ + + _

The first song is I'm With You by Avril Lavigne and the second is the same.  I don't own that either.


	2. 1 - Looking for a Place

I don't own Harry Potter, JKR does.  Get it through your head.

_+ What caused Severus Snape to become such a bastard?  Was it his hatred of the Marauders?  His time with the Death Eaters?  Or was it something else? +_

_+ + +_

_I'm looking for a place_

_I'm searching for a face_

_Is anybody here I know_

_Cause nothing's going right_

And everything's a mess 

_and no one likes to be alone_

_+ + +_

Fear. 

That was the first emotion that settled in his mind. Mind-numbing fear that wrapped itself around his heart and made him shiver even though it was still warm for September. 

Eleven-year-old Severus Sadiron Snape stood in confusion at the King's Cross Station. He was hopelessly lost and so afraid. Not a good combination in any situation. 

"Are you alright?" 

Severus jumped and spun around to face the person who had spoke, before him stood a girl with bright red hair and friendly blue eyes. 

"Do you need some help?" 

Severus could only nod numbly.  No one in his life had ever asked him if he needed help, he wasn't sure how to respond. 

"I'm Molly. Molly Bannon." 

"S-Severus S-Snape." 

Molly smiled. 

"Well, S-Severus S-Snape, where are you going?" 

Her jibe was friendly and joking, not cruel like those of the other boys at the orphanage. Severus pulled his ticket out and read it. 

"P-platform nine-and-three-quarters." 

"Really? That's where I'm going. I'll get you there. Just follow me." 

Molly smiled and pushed her way through the crowd. Severus grabbed the trolley his trunk was on and pushed it after her. 

"Here we are!" said Molly brightly.

Severus frowned. They were standing in front of the barrier between Platforms Nine and Ten. He looked up at Molly in confusion and she smiled, winking. 

"Trust me, Sevi." 

His eyes widened at the nickname. No one had ever called him anything other than Severus; no one had ever cared enough to give him a nickname. 

Severus nodded. "Okay." 

Molly smiled and leaned down to talk to him. 

"Alright, Sevi. See the barrier between the two platforms? Now, I want you to run straight at it. Just barrel towards it and don't think about it. Relax." 

Severus frowned. Run at the barrier? 

"Trust me, Sevi," said Molly again. 

Severus searched her face then nodded. He didn't know why but he trusted her and he really didn't trust anyone. He turned to the barrier and grabbed his trolley, shoving it forward. The wheels rattled loudly as he ran, gaining speed. 

His brain kept screaming, 'The barrier! The barrier!' 

He squeezed his eyes shut, the brick wall ahead getting closer and closer. He kept expecting the trolley to crash against the barrier and that any minute he would get yelled at. 

But he didn't. 

Instead he opened his eyes and found himself staring at a crowded platform, a scarlet engine idling next to it. There was a sign that said, "Platform 9 ¾" and the words 'HOGWARTS EXPRESS' were on front of the locomotive.  He grinned. 

"Now there's what I wanted to see!" 

Severus turned and saw Molly standing behind him, smiling. She said, "Good job, Sevi. Now c'mon. You can sit with me and Arthur." 

Severus blinked. Arthur? 

Molly started off and he followed, eyes staring widely at the wizards and witches around him. 

"Arthur!" Molly shouted and a tall seventeen-year-old with red hair that was even brighter than Molly's turned from talking with a group of boys and grinned. 

"Mol!" He rushed forward and swept her up into a hug, causing her to laugh. They kissed then pulled back, smiling at each other. Severus watched them with wide eyes. 

Molly then turned to him, her hand clutched in Arthur's. "Arthur, this is Severus Snape. Sevi, Arthur Weasley." 

Arthur held out his hand to Severus, his friendly brown eyes smiling. "Hello, Severus." He then looked at Molly and asked, "How come I don't get a nickname?" 

"I could call you Bob," said Molly mischievously. "I've always liked the name Bob." 

Arthur blanched. "Never mind." 

Molly grinned then said, "I told Severus he could sit with us. That okay with you?"

Arthur nodded. "Perfectly alright. What do you say we go find us a car?" 

Molly nodded and grabbed her trunk. Arthur picked up an old battered trunk, which must have been his, then offered Severus a hand with his. 

"Need a hand, Sev?" 

Severus nodded and Arthur smiled. 

"Alright then. You grab that end and I'll grab this one. Got it? Right, one, two, THREE!" 

Severus pulled and shoved and pushed and after a few minutes managed to get his trunk onto the train and into a car with Arthur's help. When they finally settled into the car, he looked around with wide eyes again. Molly smiled at him as she leaned against Arthur, who had his arm slung about her shoulders. 

Severus smiled back at her. He had found a friend. 

/ * / * / * / * / * / * / * / * / * / * /

Molly had marveled at the boy when she had seen him. He was so small for an eleven-year-old. He looked more like a nine-year-old with those almond-shaped black eyes that were wide and innocent. But she guessed from his long arms and legs that he would be tall when he got he got to be her and Arthur's age. 

And he was so quiet. 

He had seemed surprised when she had called him 'Sevi'. As if no one had ever called him by a nickname before. 

Molly watched him now through half-lidded eyes. He was curled up on the seat across from them, the remains of a pumpkin pasty and a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans lying beside him. His shoulder length black hair fell across his pale face, one strand was lying across his rather large nose and was moving whenever he breathed. She had to fight not to laugh at that. 

Arthur smiled down at her and she returned the expression, eyes shining. Turning back to Severus she thought, 'What a sweet boy. I wonder where his parents are?' 

_+ + +_

_And I wanna believe you_

_When you tell me that it will be ok_

_Ya I try to believe you_

_But I don't_

_When you say that it's gonna be_

_It always turns out to be a different way_

_I try to believe you_

_not today…_

_+ + + _

The first song is I'm With You by Avril Lavigne and the second is Tomorrow, also by Avril.


	3. 2 - Catch Your Breath

_I don't own Harry Potter, JKR does.  Get it through your head._

_+ + +_

_It's the first time I've felt this lonely_

_Wish someone would curse this pain_

_It's funny when you think it's gonna work out_

_Till you choose weed over me your so lame!_

_I thought you were cool until the point_

_Up until the point you didn't call me when you said you would_

_Finally figured out you're all the same_

_Always coming up with some kind of story_

_+ + +_

"Sevi. Sevi, wake up." 

Severus stirred lightly as a hand shook his shoulder and a warm female voice spoke in his ear. 

"Sevi, c'mon. We're here." 

Severus' eyes fluttered then opened and he looked into Molly's smiling face. 

"There you are. C'mon. You have to get your robes on." 

"We're here?" A slight wave of nervous panic shot through Severus as he spoke these words. 

"Yep," said Arthur as he entered the cab straightening his gold and scarlet tie. "Up and a'tem, Sev." 

Severus sat up and rubbed his eyes. Molly meanwhile dragged out his trunk and found his robes, tossing them at him. She didn't know why but this boy just seemed to need some kind of maternal care. 

"Just put those on over your clothes. Its much simpler and it really doesn't matter what you wear under them." 

"Molly!" 

"Oh, hush, Arthur. You know I'm right." 

Arthur gave a disapproving 'huff' and picked up Severus' black tie. He looped it around the boy's head and tied it. 

"There we go, you're all set," said Molly with a smile. As Severus leaned down to get his trunk, she said quickly, "Oh, leave that here. It'll be brought up to the castle." 

Severus blinked then followed the two older students out onto the platform where a giant of a man with a bushy black beard and small bright eyes swung a lantern in one hand and yelled, "Firs' years! Firs' years this way!" 

Molly leaned down and said, "That's Hagrid, the gamekeeper. He'll take you up to the castle." 

Severus looked at her in confusion and asked, "How are you getting up there?" 

"You'll find out next year," replied the girl with a mischievous grin. "Get on now. I'll see you up at the castle." 

With that she took Arthur by the arm and they walked up a hill, vanishing from sight when they walked behind a tree. Severus looked after them, wishing he could go with them, after a moment he turned and walked over to where the first years were gathered around Hagrid. 

"Everyone 'ere? Right then, lets go!" 

The massive man lumbered off and they followed him. Severus ended up walking behind two boys who kept goofing off. One of them had unruly black hair and chocolate brown eyes framed by round, black glasses and the other had straight black hair the same length as Severus' and blue eyes. Severus had the feeling he wouldn't like them too much. They reminded him of two boys at the orphanage who constantly picked on him. 

"Hello. Are you as lost as I am?" 

Severus blinked and turned to find himself staring into a pair of brilliant green eyes framed by dark red hair. He blinked again and moved back a step so he could actually see the girl talking to him. 

"Er…" 

"What's wrong?" asked the girl. "Can't talk?" 

"I can talk fine." Severus said with a bit of a scowl. 

"Oooo, he can speak!" 

Severus rolled his eyes and the girl grinned, holding out a hand. 

"Lilliane Evans. Just call me Lily." 

Severus took her hand and said, "Severus Snape." 

Lily giggled and said, "Weird name. I like it." 

Severus blinked and pulled his hand back when it was released from her grip. This girl was weird. 

"Your very strange." 

"Yeah, I know. My sister tells me that all the time." 

"That your strange?" 

"Yep." 

"That's rude." Severus had often had manners literally beaten into his head by the matron at the orphanage. 

Lily nodded. "Yeah, I know. Petunia doesn't care though. Mum and Dad let her get away with everything because she's older than me." 

Severus could sympathize with that. The matron at the orphanage had her favorites too and she let them do whatever they wanted. Most of the time that consisted of their favorite game: Beat-Up-Snape. He winced and grumbled, "I know what you mean." 

"Really?" said Lily. "Your sister does that?" 

Severus shook his head slowly, an unmistakable longing look in his eyes. "The boys at the orphanage." 

Lily looked horrified suddenly and Severus felt a surge of anger. He hated it when people pitied him because he lived in an orphanage. 

"Didn't anyone stop them?" 

"No. They're the matron's favorites and she lets them do anything," replied Severus sullenly. 

"That's horrible." 

"Hmmm, tell me about it." said Severus, turning his attention to the castle that suddenly loomed up ahead of him. 

"Oh my God," breathed Lily, eyes popping. 

Hagrid gestured at several boats bobbing in the lake in front of them and said, "Everybody in! Four ter a boat!" 

Severus scrambled into the closest boat, finding himself paired with Lily, a pale, sickly looking boy with light brown hair, and a smug-faced boy with slicked back blond hair and steel colored eyes. He turned his attention quickly back to the slowly approaching castle and sighed. 

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, he thought, his nervous thoughts suddenly turning to those of excitement. 

  
/ * / * / * / * / * / * / * / * / * / * /

"In a few moments you will pass through these doors and join your classmates. But first, you must be Sorted. There are four Houses, each with their own history and customs. They are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Come along." 

The first-years followed the stern looking professor into the Great Hall, where nearly every head turned to watch them. Severus found himself walking beside Lily again and the girl smiled nervously at him, unconsciously moving over closer to him. Their hands bumped against each other as they walked. He looked at her and tried smiled reassuringly. It probably didn't go off well, as he was now nervous too. 

He spotted Arthur at the table to his right and waved. The red-haired boy returned the gesture and grinned. Severus looked for Molly but couldn't find her at the table. He frowned, then turned back to face the stern professor, who had brought out a four-legged stool and a battered old hat, which she placed on top of the stool. She stood aside and waited, a moment later a tear in the hat began to speak. Severus was amazed but he had learned not to show such emotions on his face. Lily however had not and she nearly knocked Severus over when she jumped in shock. After a moment she recovered from her shock but now her face was as red as her hair with embarrassment. Severus couldn't help but smirk at the girl's reaction. After the hat had finished it's poem the stern teacher walked over to it and picked it up by the tip, she then pulled out a scroll and said loudly, "When I call your name, you will sit on the stool and I will place the sorting hat on your head. Amika, Robert!" 

A scrawny looking boy with dirty blond hair inched forward and sidled onto the stool. The professor plunked the hat on his head and a few moments later the hat shouted out … 

"HUFFLEPUFF!" 

"Axle, Thomas!" 

"RAVENCLAW!" 

"Black, Sirius!" 

The black-haired boy Severus had been walking behind earlier stepped forward, blue eyes bright. 

"GRYFFINDOR!" 

The scarlet table cheered and Severus spotted Arthur applauding. He spaced slightly through the sorting, staring up at the ceiling, until Lily's name was called. 

"Evans, Lilliane!" 

Lily jumped and stared around wide-eyed. Severus gave her a gentle shove forward towards the stool. She eyed him until the Sorting Hat fell over her eyes. 

"GRYFFINDOR!" 

Lily leapt off the stool and skittered over to the scarlet table, smiling widely at Severus as she went. Severus quietly pondered over if he could consider her a friend then spaced again. 

"Hamble, Samuel!" 

"HUFFLEPUFF!" 

"Jacobs, Michael!" 

"RAVENCLAW!" 

"Lupin, Remus!" 

This was the pale, sickly looking boy that had been in Severus' boat. 

"RAVENCLAW! 

"Malfoy, Lucius!" 

The steel eyed boy who had been in Severus' boat stepped forward, still looking smug. The hat barely touched his head before it screamed out the name of his house. 

"SLYTHERIN!" 

He was the first Slytherin of the night. 

"Pettigrew, Peter!" 

"GRYFFINDOR!" 

"Potter, James!" 

The unruly haired boy that Severus had labeled trouble along with Sirius Black stepped forward with a grin. He quickly joined his companion. 

"GRYFFINDOR!" 

Severus spaced again until he heard his name called. 

"Snape, Severus!" 

Mutters went up about the room as he crept through the dwindling group of first-years. He had only moments to see people's staring faces until the hat fell down over his eyes. A voice spoke in his ear a moment later.

"_Well, well. Severus Snape. A proud family, the Snape's. Now, let's see what we have here._" 

Severus frowned. How on earth did this hat know about his family? _He_ didn't even know anything about his family except for one member of it. 

"_Smart, aren't you? But Ravenclaw's not for you. Not Hufflepuff either… Hmm. You've got a good bit of courage. You could easily be _a****_Gryffindor…_" 

Severus listened patiently. 

"_But then there's that cunning. Famous for that, you Snape's are. Only one House for you, dear boy, and that is…_" 

"SLYTHERIN!" 

Severus slipped off the stool and walked over to the cheering green table. He was onlythe second Slytherin of the night. 

"Severus! Down here!" 

Severus blinked and stared at Molly's waving hand. He wandered over to the seventh year and sat down in the empty seat beside her. Judging from the sixth and seventh years sitting around him, she had saved the seat for him. 

"Welcome to Slytherin, Severus. I was hoping you would be sorted into Slytherin." 

"Molly?" 

Molly grinned and said, "Look like her, don't I?" 

"Er…yeah." 

"There's your answer then." 

Severus blinked. 

"Too hyper for you?" 

"Um, just a little." 

"Okay, I'll calm down. What do you think?" 

Severus looked up and down the table and shrugged. 

"Its okay, I guess. Anything's better than…" His voice trailed off and he ducked his head. He was heavily ashamed of living in an orphanage. 

Molly frowned and placed a hand on his arm. "Hey, what's wrong?" 

"Nothin'." 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah…" 

"Okay, Sevi. Any questions? As a prefect I feel it is my job to introduce you to Hogwarts. Merlin, that sounded far too much like Gideon Laurel." 

"Who?" 

"Idiotic Head Boy. You don't know him and will probably never meet him, so don't worry about it." 

Severus looked pensive for a moment then asked, "Why was everyone staring at me?" 

Molly frowned and chewed on her lip for a moment before replying. "I'll answer that later. Right now, let's eat!" 

/ * / * / * / * / * / * / * / * / * / * /

"Welcome to Slytherin." Said a cool aristocratic voice. 

Severus looked up into the steel colored eyes of Lucius Malfoy and mumbled, "Thanks." He wasn't really paying much attention to anything besides where he was walking, which was to the Slytherin dormitory in the dungeons. Molly had told him to wait for her in the common room, as she'd just be a moment. Dumbledore apparently wanted to talk to the prefects and the Head Boy and Girl, so as she was one, she had to go. 

"So, you're a Snape." 

"Yeah," said Severus dully. 

"Imagine that. You don't look like much," sneered Lucius at the small thin boy in front of him. Severus looked up at him and glared, which really didn't suit him as he could be classified as 'cute' with his large almond shaped eyes and dark hair. But it made Lucius' eyes widen. 

"Perhaps I should halt my first impression and wait till I know you better," mused Lucius. He held out his hand and said, "Lucius Malfoy." 

Severus looked down at Lucius' hand but didn't take it. He didn't trust this boy. He'd always had a sense for who he could and could not trust. Malfoy was definitely classified in the could not category. Severus had the feeling that Malfoy could only be trusted to give you a knife in the back. 

Looking back up into the slightly taller boy's face, he said, "Severus Snape. Excuse me." With that Severus pushed his way forward into the crowd, not catching the impressed look that came over Lucius' face. 

"Sev. Sev, will you wake _up?_" 

Severus lifted his head groggily from where he had laid it on the chair arm. 

"Eh?" 

"Merlin, you sleep like a rock. Wake up, sunshine. You want to hear why everyone was staring at you, don't you?" 

"In the mornin'," grumbled Severus as he rolled over and ended up falling out of the chair onto the floor with a 'whuff' of expelled breath. When he opened his eyes he saw Molly leaning over him, eyes glittering with amusement. 

"Was that fun?" 

Severus snarled in response and sat up, running a hand through his hair. 

"Oh, you _are_ a morning person, aren't you?" 

"Sod off." 

"You want to hear or not?" 

Severus sighed and dragged himself back up into his chair. He crossed his arms and glared sullenly at Molly before grumbling, "Alright…" 

Molly dragged a small footstool up beside him and settled onto it before speaking. 

"Well, the Snape's are an old pureblood family. Older than Arthur's and his is pretty old, which you would think would earn them some respect, even though blood purity doesn't really matter in my opinion, but still most people look down on them." All this came out in one long rant that left Molly breathless for a moment. 

"Why?" asked Severus sleepily. 

"Something about an ancestor of his swindling money. But we're not talking about Arthur's family, are we? We're talking about yours." 

"Eh…." 

"Boring you?" 

Severus made a snoring sound. 

"Alright, alright, I'll get to the point. But ifyou go to sleep before I finish, I'll hex you." 

"Yes, Mother." 

Molly rolled her eyes but smiled good-naturedly and continued speaking. "Anyway, like I said, the Snape's are an old pureblood family. Even older than the Malfoy's, who have been around since the Founder's time. Most Snape's were known to be Dark Wizards and to ally themselves to the Dark Wizards who have popped up from time to time. I heard once that a Snape married one of Salazar Slytherin's great-granddaughter's." 

"Mmm-hmmm." 

"Boring you?" 

"Oh, no, not at all." 

"Sarcasm. How lovely." 

"Just continue." 

"Fine, Mr. I-Want-To-Go-To-Bed-As-Quickly-As-Possible." 

Severus glowered at her, though the effect was lost when he yawned. Molly laughed and got a scowl in response. 

"You're cute when you do that." 

Severus growled under his breath. 

"Okay, okay. So, the Snape's are very famous among the wizarding world. Very well known and respected, even if a few of them were Dark Wizards. Supposedly the last remaining Snape's – a Sadiron and Amara Snape – had a son but he disappeared years ago. Unfortunately, both of them were killed a few years ago so there's no one to say if you're their son or not." 

"So, I could be or I couldn't be." 

"That's basically it." 

"Okay. That all?" 

"Yep." 

"Socan I go to sleep now?" 

Molly rolled her eyes at the pleading tone in his voice and grimaced when Severus gave her a 'puppy look'. She sighed, giving in. 

"Alright. Bed." 

"Yay!" 

Molly laughed then rose, pushing the stool back into place with her foot. She walked off towards the girl's dormitories, saying, "Good night, Sevi," over her shoulder. A sleepy "G'nigh'," answered her and she grinned before vanishing through the door and closing it behind her. 

Severus wandered into the first year boy's dorms and collapsed onto his bed, asleep before his head hit the pillow. 

_+ + +_

_Catch your breath hit the wall_

_Scream out loud as you start to crawl_

_Back in your cage the only place where they will leave you alone_

_'Cause the weak will seek the weaker until they've broken them_

_Could you get it back again_

_Would it be the same_

_+ + + _

_The first song is Too Much To Ask by Avril Lavigne and the second is Simon by Lifehouse._

_Has anyone ever noticed that Slytherin is mentioned last? Is it because we have so many Dark Wizards? *shakes fist* We Slythies are not evil! We are MISUNDERSTOOD!!_

_Or maybe it's just listed in alphabetical order… abcdefGHijklmnopqRStuvwxyz. Oh look! Gryff and Huffle are together and so are Slyth and Raven. Weird…_

_Also, this branches a little into the Snape family history from the Snake and Wolf Series._


End file.
